There is a reason we call our current economic situation a depression. now, this may sound like an opener to a great anti-Obama joke, but its not. Look around us. EVERYONE is feeling, being diagnosed with, or treated for depression. people are losing their jobs, left and right; cars are being impounded; houses put up for bankruptcy; the list goes on and on. Among this mass of depressed beings was little Ole me, shoving, trying my hardest to escape the epidemic before it became terminal. And for the first time in my life i am constantly thinking, worrying that it would return. We all have our hard times, and trials, but in order to become depressed, we have to allow the depression to creep back into our lives, on some subconscious level we have to want it there.
I believe that there is a common misconception correlated with depression. Maybe this is the wrong word, but i feel that it has almost been glorified, like an eating disorder, or a drug problem, or some distant celebrities cheating habits. To some, it almost has this "appeal". Why? for the sympathy. I think that we commonly mistake sympathy for love. now, sometimes love accompanies sympathy. Like when your mom is worried about you, about the way you talk about not caring about anything. Like the way your friends wrap their arms around you and cry, just because you are. But sometimes it comes with fear, confusion, lack of understanding, and even impatience. Sometimes, it comes by itself, all alone. Like you and i feel. Like the mass, the epidemic. There are many of us feeling the same things, walking the same road, wondering aimlessly, and yet, we feel alone, isolated, deserted.
In a popular song by Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams, they sing " I walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever know, don't know where it goes, but its only me to me and i walk alone." As you walk down the hall, tears in your eyes, headphones blasting that song that explains exactly how you feel at this very moment, you wonder what everyone around you is thinking. if your in high school, there is a good chance most people are thinking about everything BUT you. Some might have their curiosity temporarily peaked, and then their attention could be directed elsewhere. And then, to your rescue come your friends, bringing hugs and much love. Yet what do we do? We push them away, its not like its what we really want, we just cant bring ourselves to accept what we feel we don't deserve. Happiness.
i have friends, family, and acquaintances that believe they are not or were not capable of being Happy. the truth, as painful as it may be, they aren't happy because they wont LET themselves be. the truth is, those feelings we get when things get bad seem like they are all there is. those feelings create a world for us, a world of self-pity, and self-loathing. it seems like that world is all we have, so we embrace it, sink our nails into it, and accept it as reality, whether it is or not. these feelings are addictive, and difficult to stop. but NOT impossible. i think some of us are just too lazy, to afraid to stop being numb for fear that we will get hurt again. its hard, to take ourselves off of auto-pilot. in NO way am i saying that EVERYONES depression is manageable. there are some whose brain does not accept the chemicals needed to be happy. At some points in our day, we may feel so down, and yet, we have no clue why, no reason. All we know is we simply want to evanesce, dissapear. Nevertheless, for most of these cases, we can take medications, see a therapist, that can help us lead a healthy, happy life.
I guess what i am saying is i have been where you are. I have felt like maybe the only solution to my pain was to die, to simply stop existing. I know what many of us are going through, and its hard, SO hard, but we can do it, we can overcome it all. I know that now. We don't have to be sad, we can be happy. Always, the choice is always ours. So make it.
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