who's hurting? i am.

while talking to my old friend today, i was genuinely hurt. blamed for things that we both did to hurt someone else, he sat across from me. Not on my side, like he always claimed he would be, but against me, almost as a threat. As he spoke about what i am doing wrong, as he told me how i need to change, how i need to grow up because he has, i couldnt think straight to give him anything but "i dont know what you want me to do." maybe i am the reason our best friendship failed, but thats not because i stopped trying, its because he did. he wouldnt answer phone calls, messages, texts, would barely say hi to me in the hallways at school. trying so hard to be a part of his life, i put myself out there, saying hi to those i dont like, being kind to those i cant stand, and what do i get? not a friend. a slap in the face for being supportive to him, and not the girl he hated at the time. i wanted to cry and scream at him how he was the person who walked away from me, who wouldnt let me in, the one who was two-faced in what happened, that he was the one that i was looking out for, and he left anyway. so what am i supposed to do? he always said it would always be me (his best friend) he would choose if he had to between us. and he lied. i think he stopped talking to me because he knew what he chose was wrong, and he knew that i would be honest enough to tell him so. so this is me, not giving up, no matter how much i want to. this is me, hurting, because i am. yet, here i go, i am going to show him that i am not going anywhere, that i am one person that will not leave when he needs them, one person who will be there to talk to, let him cry on me, let him rage at me to let out his anger and outrage for someone else. so you may say i made her hurt. but it was for you, and now who is hurting? i am.