Just imagine being doubled over in pain. the pain is so strong though, it is overwhelming every part of your body, in effect it makes you vomit. Every aching bone in your body begs to collapse and pass out, but you can't, its not done with you yet. Screaming, thrashing on the ground, begging, pleading with God to take you. But he wont. Hitting your head against walls in silly attempt to drown out the pain consuming your mind and body, the distraction only last for a moment. Every few months I go through this, not knowing when, or what is going on. It scares me, and anyone who see this pathetic ordeal. Why am I writing this? Because its the only thing that I can manage to write, to form whole thoughts about. My mind is on hold for the next few hours. The funny thing about pain is when its over, all the things you said, all the; screams you relent to, and all the thrashing seems a bit silly. And yet, when you are in the midst of it, it seems so real. Like you are ready to die, like you are really just done. Its so scary to see how vulnerable I am, and to realize how I am not invincible. I am not a person who enjoys the feeling of being weak, not being in control, and I definately do not enjoy feeling like I am mortal. Dont we all?
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