Oh Marshall...

"Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for, not the expression, no, literally give an arm for? When they know theyre your heart, and you know you are their armor, and you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her. but what happens when carma, turns right around and bites you, and everything you stand for turns on you to spite you, what happens when you become the main source of her pain?"
-- "When I'm Gone" by eminem

I don't know exactly why I am writing this, or what it means, all I know is that this song came on on my i-pod, and it almost brought me to tears. I think that we all have that one person, or those few people in our lives that we love so much, we think too much, to ever hurt. And yet they are the ones we hurt the most. The mom you dissapoint, the friend you accidentally cross, the sibling you hurt with words that only you know will hurt the most. And when you hurt these people, it hurts you in turn, 10x worse. Seeing the sadness written across their face in whose handwriting? Yours, you even signed it with your beautiful John Hancock. How sad is that? Horribly, but its something that sometimes we can't control. As humans we do things, and don't even CONSIDER what consequences could come of it. But whats even worse is when you know EXACTLY what your consequences will be, and yet the decision is the hardest thing you will ever have to choose (at least so far in your life.)

The last post I wrote, was a quote, no words of my own, and maybe not even my thoughts, because I, myself, cant imaging letting go only to realize I am not wanted like I want this. I guess no one wants to know that, but right now, I know I am wanted, but the question, is it enough? Is it worth it to love whether you know you will be broken? I hope so, because I can't NOT love. Its not in my genetic makeup to not love. But it is in my makeup to hope, so much that my hope is all that keeps me holding on so tight. Keep going.