insomnia

As I lay awake thinking, recycling thoughts,

Pondering this journey, and attempting to plot,

Tracing this issue all back to the source,

To the point of delusion, where I began this course.

As I lay awake thinking, and praying for change,

I realize the weakness, and feel so ashamed,

I can’t handle this, and I don’t want to do that,

The choices I’ve made I can no longer retract.

As I lay here thinking, and longing for sleep,

I see the flaws in my mindset, the one that I keep,

I can distance my body, and distract my mind,

Pretend to be different, but nothing rewinds.

As I lay here thinking, alone in the dark,

My mind has already wandered and picked up a spark,

To numb my reflections, and be anywhere else,

If even a fleeting minute, the problem melts.

As I lay here attempting to terminate the beginnings,

Of the same mindset, same dwelling in all of my sinning,

Writing these words, waiting for the dawn to appear,

Wishing the right choice and the easy were at all similar.