A Glimpse

My friend Patrick wrote me a son that almost brought tears to my eyes. Such beautiful lyrics and a wonderful melody on your guitar to accompany it. I am not near the prodigy that you are, my skill is still raw and under developed but I wrote you this poem :) thank you so much for being there for me swayze.

Your kind sweet words are received, 
On the surface of my burnt tongue
I wish and hope for the faith to believe 
Like would when I was so young 

Beautiful skill, and amazing depth 
Strength to hold two, and love
claiming that I came in when everyone left
An angel To rescue you from above

The words of your songs inspire, and set fire
Emotions and feeling that show a lil bit of you 
A glimpse of you brings me a lil bit higher, 
And you are as a foundation for us two 

Recent bruises and cuts aren't healing 
You try to repair me, I can do it tho
All the pain and sadness I am feeling,
You're bringing me higher than my all time low

You see the me I want to be and be seen,
You make me special like I haven't been  for a while
A smile you bring, and it's a smile you leave,
We pray these moments are worthwhile.

A little more than sorry.

The words I form cannot express 
What I mean to say, you take for less. 
My Apologies and your silent scorn are tied
You won't relent to me though I have tried 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I let my heart break 
And lashed out at the source of my ache 
I knew this would happen and the end was the start
Now you resent me with an unforgiving heart 

forgotten kisses and half-hearted wishes
Cannot begin to heal us, and this is 
Too hard to recover without losing you 
But I can't give in, I can't lose you.

Attraction may be gone, love may be dead
 If its true all I want is what you said
Your friendship to me, means the world
Unrequited feelings keep us in a quarrel 

Do you want me to stop this, Disappear?
If you tell me, will I even want to hear? 
I don't, i want to be there for you again,
And you for me, can't we just be friends? 

Misunderstandings and tension poison us both
Arguments and revenge you know how it goes
You know how to Hurt and love me best,
I'm sorry I can't just put us to rest.

Beautiful Wanderer

This one is for a special friend of mine. I love her so much. you are one of the most amazing people I know. You are so strong all the time, I just want you to know you don't have to be, i am here, and I'll help you in any way I can. But don't forget god, he loves you and will help you through whatever you can't tackle yourself.

The battle between your heart and mind is at length
but you don't see Your own beauty and strength,
Your eyes can pierce the saddest soul, and heal the lonely heart, 
Your words can soothe the anxiety from the sins of a broken heart,

When you cry yourself to sleep. I see, I see.
When you hurt yourself in spite, I feel, I feel.
I can hear your heavy whispers of worthlessness, and i think I think

Oh beautiful little wanderer,  
Your life is so much more, 
So much more, 
Than you can imagine. 
 
The road you travel is lonely but your not alone,
I'm here trying to help you love your own home,
Though you refuse to see, they love you 
You push them away when they try to

When you cry out for help when hope is lost i hear i hear
When you suffer through the pain in silence i cry I cry
I can taste your bitter tears of hate, and I wish that I could make you see, 

Oh beautiful little wanderer,  
Your life is so much more, 
So much more, 
Than you can imagine. 

Oh love, the scars on your wrists are deep,
Relationships that hurt you too much to keep, 
a beautiful thing to wander, don't forget to return
Don't let yourself forget, let your light burn

When you cry yourself to sleep. I see it, I see.
When you hurt yourself in spite, I feel it, I feel.
I can hear your heavy whispers of worthlessness, and i think I think

Oh beautiful little wanderer,  
Your life is so much more, 
So much more, 
Than you can imagine. 

moving my mountain

Many, if not all of us, have heard the saying that we can “have faith to move mountains”.  When I was little, I took that so literally, wishing I had the faith to do such an impossible task. Even though we get older and we begin to see it as a metaphor, I think we still feel that it is impossible faith to perform impossible miracles. At least I have thought that, until today. I experienced a paradigm shift. We all have mountains in our lives, ones that seem almost impossible to overcome. For some maybe their mountain is drug abuse, maybe its depression, maybe its loneliness, maybe for you its teen pregnancy, or a family death. No matter the mountain, we all know what ours is. The problem usually isn’t identifying the problem, its finding a solution to it. These mountains in our lives I think we know are possible to overcome, but I think we feel overwhelmed and settle for less. This is when the faith comes in. I don’t care if you don’t believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; I don’t care if you don’t believe in a God all-together, if you have faith enough to know you can overcome your trials, and move your mountains, you can. I wish I knew how to have perfect faith in my abilities, and even as I write, I realize that I know very little about this. The fact is, I still have to build this “faith” because I am clearly not perfect. I need to move this mountain though, and I think one of the ways to do it, is to help others move theirs. Maybe the real meaning behind the phrase is that you don’t have to move it by yourself. I have already began to lift this mountain on my back, and in the process of losing faith, it is breaking me. I am exhausted from this weight. I know the solution, now I just need to do it. And find the right people to help me. My mountain will be moved, far far away.

I'm sorry.

My dearest ex-FHTB,

Yesterday I took a detour, dang all this construction. On this detour I saw many moments in our past that evoked a very nestolgic mood for the next hour. Passing the park where we would lay next to a creek, and play in the water, laugh, and when you would kiss me gently, I couldn't help but feel emotions I cannot begin to explain. Sadness, yes, but happiness was in there somewhere too. Somewhere. I passed that church parking lot where we ran into that possy of girls on their scooters haha and I couldn't help but smile and shake my head at that embarrassing experience. So many moments that had passed and left a huge effect on my heart. I am trying so hard to push past the bitterness, I promise you I am trying. But if you remember the day you broke up with me, when we were just talking, sitting in your car, frustration illustrated on our faces. I told you, I would push you away before I could be your friend again. I told you that. Remember? The other day when the sun was out and shining I sat on my front porch like we used to do so frequently, and just talk, share things. The times that tears would flood to my eyes and you would wipe them away as they approached my cheeks. The stars oh I remember the stars more than anything, and I smile at the cliche occurrence of the evening of our first date :) I am telling myself more and more that although happy moments come to an end and regrets surface, the sadness cannot take away the significance, and the beauty of those moments. You may not love me anymore, you may not care anymore, but at least I know you did. And that you have shown me love, in the purest way you knew how, and it made me feel it, and feel beautiful, for you. I remember when you were on the phone with your boss, and I kept interrupting ha, good times. I don't know exactly why I am writing this to you. When I talk to you lately I don't get much out of you, so I guess I want you to know how I feel. I forgive you. I wish we could be friends, and I wish that you were here, or talked to me at all. I'm not begging for you to take me back, I'm just asking that you know that I still care, and I only regret ONE thing that came between us. Thank you for showing me I can be beautiful, and thank you for loving me