I made my decision but now it's your turn, 

Do you want to stay or watch as it all burns,

I'm not playin games, baby but you gotta learn 

I'm fuckin all in but you seem so unconcerned. 

Writin all this literature, 

Braggin with your words, 

good with your mouth but 

 means nothing if you just tryina be heard,

So show me what you want

Show me it's real, 

Are you all in

really love me in return. 

 

These gears In my head won't stop till I die,
Confusing reality with deep seeded lies,
Avoiding the truths that hurt me the most,
Accepting the ones that merely stunt my growth

What is worse to never grow up,
To never move on and never line up,
Or to handle the pain and trials that come,
Deciding to mature, and finally move on.

Unutilized strengths not sure I obtain,
Unconvinced, insecure, fearing I'll always remain,
Planted firmly in the cement, unable to grow,
Empty roots, rocky soil, self deprecated woe

insomnia

As I lay awake thinking, recycling thoughts,

Pondering this journey, and attempting to plot,

Tracing this issue all back to the source,

To the point of delusion, where I began this course.

As I lay awake thinking, and praying for change,

I realize the weakness, and feel so ashamed,

I can’t handle this, and I don’t want to do that,

The choices I’ve made I can no longer retract.

As I lay here thinking, and longing for sleep,

I see the flaws in my mindset, the one that I keep,

I can distance my body, and distract my mind,

Pretend to be different, but nothing rewinds.

As I lay here thinking, alone in the dark,

My mind has already wandered and picked up a spark,

To numb my reflections, and be anywhere else,

If even a fleeting minute, the problem melts.

As I lay here attempting to terminate the beginnings,

Of the same mindset, same dwelling in all of my sinning,

Writing these words, waiting for the dawn to appear,

Wishing the right choice and the easy were at all similar.

souls for sale.

Many sit and ponder at the female mystique 
While the world sits and scrutinizes our outer physique,
These gutted vessels under reconstruction,
Trying only to emphasize what the world wants to see.

Their eyes, their brows,Too much too thick,
Their teeth, their arms, and calves and lips
Their hips, their ass, their thighs must gap,
perfection always slipping, always losing their grip.

Be lean, be tall, their breasts too small,
Sit up, and smile, walk lightly, dont fall,
This gimmic, this ploy of master seduction,
Play the part, be that girl, IMPRESS US ALL.

still we get put down,For the effort put in,
For try too hard, attempting to fit in,
To these shoes, so tiny and danty and decieiving,
Our heads imploding from mixed messages we're receiving.

Dont cry, be strong. Let nothing go wrong
Love, but not too much, dont hurt, and move on,
reading the script, written by mere fantasy,
Only then to be called drones, cant anyone see

We are losing touch with everything we know,
By vacating every body, and disposing of the soul,
then cut down, and belittle, those who dont fit,
Neglecting the souls who aren't willing to forget

A tribute to my blood

A mother and a father rising up to the flood,

Arguably the deepest bond is blood,

Equivalent only to the one of the truest love,

Of my mistakes, and ill-mannered use of

My own Free will, now I will away the choices I've made,

The way I've gambled the games that I’ve played,

Trying relentlessly to prove a point to the grave,

That I can’t and won’t be taken, only delayed.

A brother with a light to guide me through,

Waits patiently for my consent, as I allude,

He smiles and grips my hand ready to pursue,

Dislocating my from this self-imposed solitude.

Sisters with shields of conviction intact,

Continue to fight through the strength that I lack,

They align themselves, one in front and in back,

Shielding me from these subtle attacks.

A fleet guiding me home safe and sound,

Through the tormentors, and pains that surround,

Nursing the wounds, always lifting me back off the ground,

Can’t even fathom how I forgot a support so profound.

9/9/13

On the side of this mountain, lies a sapling in struggle,

Attempting to grow, amongst all the rubble,

Rooting to the floor with usual manner,

Such a small little seedling with potential to enamor.

A season comes and goes, through its natural courses,

The tree vulnerable to all natural forces,

The contour, yet rough, and a little bit withered,

She refuses to let go, never even considered.

A rushing storm, brings inescapable distress,

this delicate sapling awakes from her rest,

her roots begin to dislodge, her branches quiver,

her leaves relent to the wind, with every coming shiver.

As she falls to the ground, the battle is lost,

The storm passes through, with no thought to the cost,

The months have gone on while she dissolves in the ground,

Accepting her fate, seeming somewhat profound.

Though her story was closed she submerged deeper yet,

Enriching the soil, and composing the set,

the next little seedling, to thrive in that same humble plot ,

That she gave up so sadly, to the next little seedling hoping all is for not.

No Longer His Crown

The ferocity of this tale intimidates most
For this demon inside I can no longer host
He's wrapped and weaved, twisted and deceived,
So long a role in this pain I attempt to relieve

A monster I've made, and a shadow I follow 
Lead to believe, that without him I am hollow
I halfheartedly fight, and he knows all too well
attempting any progress can be my demise if i fail.

This monster, this demon inside me that I keep
I try to escape him and to stab in his sleep
Too strong for my feeble attempts, he awakes
And I run, and I dodge, as he jabs at my legs. 

Aware of certain facts, he takes back control,
He monopolizes my mind, and envelops my soul
Dragging me back, thrashing and screaming,
He turns around laughing, his confidence beaming 

Fighting the length of this battle, not always unattended 
Though any seeming comradeship swiftly has ended.  
Many have vacated and left my back exposed
always trying to compensate and remain somewhat composed.

Overwhelmed by the odds, and how could I blame them
Now alone, playin swords in the dark with my demon
Raising his weapon, and striking me down
He only keeps me alive to live as his crown

I love you's and I miss you's, please stay by my side,
A gaping wound reopened with every unspoken goodbye
unavoidably i wince in silence then let go with utter malice
Slowly morphing into this human sized, and bitter calice.

Though this sad tale has yet to be concluded 
I sing you now, a medley thats somewhat deluded
I vow to overcome this demon inside of me,
and to relentlessly saw away at his flesh that 
forever Reconstructing itself to bind me.